Families can be complex, especially when it comes to certain topics. Navigating financial decisions together is often one of those challenges.

When a loved one needs long-term care (e.g. Dad fell and broke his hip, Mom’s Alzheimer’s has progressed, etc.), it raises a host of questions. 

Navigating a long-term care need affects many people because it is so common:

• Over half of people who live to age 65 will need long-term care in their lifetimes
• The average long-term care need for women is approximately 3 years; for men, it's approximately 2 years
• 13% of people need long-term care for more than 5 years
• The national average cost of a private room in a nursing home is over $9,000 per month (a high-end nursing home in Manhattan can run over $25,000 per month)

_{Source: Morningstar's 100 Must-Know Statistics About Long-Term Care: 2023 Edition & 2019 Edition. Manhattan costs as quoted during tours of NYC nursing homes.}

Basic questions like, “Where should (loved one) go? With the right support, can we keep them at home safely? How much does it cost? How will we pay for it?” can quickly give way to frustrating assumptions or long-simmering tensions:

• Perceptions that one family member is better-prepared to pay for care
• Perceptions that someone should provide care for free while other family members bear little burden
• Perception that someone’s desire to save on care costs is clouded by the fact that a larger inheritance would be more life-altering for them
• Anger or shame that this was not dealt with before it was an urgent problem, who’s at fault, etc.

Conflict can arise when family members feel that commitments of time or money are allocated unfairly.

The Solution: Make a Plan In Advance. If You Can.

It’s much better to have a plan in place ahead of time. Oftentimes long-term care insurance is a good part of the plan, but sometimes it’s not. 

5 Ways You Can Start the Conversation with Your Parents(-in-Law)

Oftentimes finding the words to get started is the hardest part. Also, release yourself from the expectation that the conversation has to go well for it to be a success. All you need to do is try. 

     1) The Facts-Based Approach

“I was reading that over half of people who live to age 65 willl need long-term care at some point. The costs are through the roof! Nationally, the average cost of a private room in a nursing home is over $9,000 / month. Do you have long-term care insurance?”

To personalize the discussion of costs to the right geography, check out this map of long-term care costs.

     2) The Anecdotal Approach

“I was thinking about [friend whose parent has had a health crisis] and it occurred to me that we’ve never talked about what you’d want me to do if that happened to you, or you needed long-term care. What would you want to see happen in that scenario?”

      3) The Offer of Help

This only works if you’re financially in a position to help your loved one(s) with the cost of long-term care insurance. If you are, this can be a very effective strategy for caring for your loved one(s) and limiting your own future financial liability, too:

“I’ve been thinking about the high costs of long-term care and want to ensure you have access to a comfortable, resort-like place if needed. There are insurance policies where I can help with premiums so you have great options in the future. The application process is staightforward, and it’s far more affordable than waiting. Would you be open to looking into this together?”

     4) The Play-Forward-What-We-Want-To-Avoid Approach

If you can imagine a scenario where sorting out “who pays & how much?” creates family conflict, maybe you can paint that picture in advance and craft a solution for avoiding it.

“I know this might feel a bit awkward, but it’s best to discuss before there’s a problem. Long-term care is expensive, and I worry it could cause family conflict. I’d love to talk about ways to avoid that.”

     5) The Siblings-and-Other-Family-Members-First Approach

In some families, sibling collaboration comes naturally—great! That approach also works for planning parent care. If the topic feels sensitive, you might first coordinate with family members (e.g. siblings) before approaching your parents.

This conversation can go:

• Well - maybe you learn there’s a binder full of info about the insurance policies already in place! And the code to the safe where the will and list of accounts is. Or maybe you learn there is no plan yet, but your parent(s) are so glad you brought this up!
• Badly - maybe you are met with a combination of fury, disdain and denial. Your raising any issue about financial preparedness might strike nerves you did not know were there. It’s OK. Just stay calm, retreat, and try again at another time.
• Somewhere in between - you might encounter some skepticism or denial. It’s not always easy for people to contemplate their own mortality and vulnerability. Many people are not familiar with the facts or numbers. This is fine, you’ve started the conversation!

Regardless of which group your conversation falls into, you have succeeded. The only true failure is not trying.

How AboveBoard Can Help

At AboveBoard, we bring the same smart and ethical approach to long-term care insurance that we do for life and disability insurance. 

When you ask us for advice on long-term care insurance, you can count on us to do the analysis the same way we do it for ourselves and our loved ones: considering all the options, including self-insuring, if that is an option for you (i.e. you have enough money that you could pay for your own care, if you needed it).

We do not recommend LTC policies unless they offer a meaningful benefit versus self-insurance.

For some people, given their age or health profile, self-insurance is the best-available option. When that's the case, we just tell you.

However, for many people who could self-insure and are also (relatively) healthy non-smokers, an LTC policy is a smart risk management tool from a financial perspective, and can provide non-financial benefits as well.

And for many people, self-insurance is not an available strategy, simply because the costs can be so high. The right long-term care insurance policy will give your future self access to choices that protect your dignity and comfort.

Get a quote for long-term care insurance so you can make an informed decision about your future.